Getting Married!!

              Are your eyes wide open, or are they half closed? When you are dating someone and getting to know them PLEASE date with your eyes WIDE open. What does that mean? Well, usually when you start dating someone you get the butterflies, and everything is SO great. You don’t see anything wrong, no flaws, and life is perfect! When you add a new step like holding hands or kissing to the equation all the butterflies come flying in and you are just on cloud NINE! Well, THAT my friends, is called infatuation and that is why new relationships are so good. It is also why some people end up dating jerks or people who are SO not right for them, because they are totally blind to it. That is where the phrase, love is blind, comes from. There is a book by John Van Epp called, How to Avoid Falling In love with a Jerk, that speaks so plainly about all of this. He says that based research it takes at LEAST 3 months for infatuation to start dying down and to where you can start really getting to know someone. So, what about when you are married to someone, do you want to continue noticing every flaw? Hopefully at this point you know all the big stuff and have determined that you love them so much, you are willing to live with some of the flaws. But I heard a phrase this week that just made me laugh. “Date with your eyes wide open and marry with your eyes half closed.” That doesn’t mean get married to someone with your eyes half closed, just do it and you don’t really need to know the person. What they are saying is what you do after you get married.

              When you are married you are with your spouse 24/7 now. This is when you start to see things and unveil things maybe you didn’t know about the person before. We shouldn’t turn a blind eye to things that could be harmful or dangerous, but if he lets it all out in the bathroom with the door open or lets his flatulence fill up the room, you could have a conversation and compromise, but also remember to forgive and forget. There are lots of small things that will come up, if we let every little thing get under our skin then we are never going to make it work with anyone. This is where the, “marry with your eyes half closed” part comes in. We should not be pointing out every small thing they do wrong, but look for all the good things they do and point those out. Marriage is about lifting each other up and helping each other to be the best version of themselves they can be.

              I wanted to change topic a little bit now, as the transition from dating or engagement to getting married can be pretty difficult. All the sudden, you traditionally have a big party to plan. There are lots of thing that will be important to the bride traditionally and there are going to be some things that are important to the groom as well. This is a great time to really work together and plan big decisions together. It also is a great time to be budgeting and get creative with your wedding to save money but still have a lovely time. Some of the more expensive weddings I have been to, I felt out of place and I didn’t really know what to do. I have also been to some less expensive weddings that are uncomfortable but usually those are so much more fun. To plan a wedding where you have yard games and involve family to bring food because they like to cook, or just to have people help out is so much more fun. When I got married I was really caught up in having a big fancy reception and top notch photographers, but we had two receptions and we made the second one less fancy, more of an open house. That was so much more fun as people helped out and felt a part of it. Everyone had a great time and it was probably my favorite out of the two to be at myself, besides not having much family near for it. Your wedding does not need to be expensive, but it can be fun, enjoyable and comfortable. In the world right now, weddings traditionally are costing around $27,000-$38,000. WHO has that money to throw away on one night, one that means a lot but you will hardly remember because you were talking to hundreds of people in 45minutes, having a small bit of cake and then dancing and leaving. Find a way to cut back on those expenses, save for your life together after the wedding!

During your engagement you are not just needing to create the wedding day, but the marriage that will last for an eternity. Patterns you develop in your dating and engagement phases will become the patterns in your marriage. SO invest time in your future rather than wasting money on gold napkins for a party you are throwing for others. I promise, it will be so much more beneficial.

That is all I have for the week!! Until next time!